You got cut. For whatever reason, the coach decided that you won’t have a spot on his roster.

It’s going to be okay.

Take a deep breath. Let’s talk it through. Allow me to convince you that this is the best possible scenario.

Getting Cut Sucks

Okay, maybe this is a bad place to start if I’m going to convince you it’s a good thing. But we can’t avoid it. I’m not going to tell you it’s easy.

I get it. Getting cut doesn’t feel good. It’s a blow to your self-esteem. It’s the coach saying that you’re not good enough for his team.

You may have friends on that team. Maybe you played on that team for a few years, and you even created a bond with the coach. That rejection hurts.

And it’s going to be tough when you see those kids again. When you see that coach. You may be dreading the thought of facing that team down the road, once you find a new team.

All of these thoughts are normal. I’m not going to lie to you and say that getting cut is fun and easy.

But let’s talk about the benefits…

The Bottom Kid

If you got cut, the assumption is that the coach didn’t think you were as strong as other options. Maybe you were really close, but you didn’t make it.

That means that if you had made the team, you would have been one of the bottom kids. Is that what you want?

The bottom kid gets the least plate appearances. He routinely hits at the bottom of the order. The other coach yells for the outfield to come in when that bottom kid comes to the plate. You may not even hit on Sundays, or you may share time.

The bottom kid sits the most because he’s the toughest to find a spot for in the field. He rarely, if ever, gets to play the position he wants to play. He rarely gets to shine because he rarely gets the opportunity.

The bottom kid is an afterthought. He may get opportunities when games are out of hand. But otherwise, he’s not trusted to produce.

You don’t want to be the bottom kid. It’s no fun. You deserve more.

Change is Good

This is an adult lesson, too. Change is good.

Sometimes, we stick with the thing that isn’t best for us because we’re scared of the alternative. It may not be ideal, but at least we know what to expect.

Now you have to find a new team with a new coach and new teammates. That’s scary.

But change is good. This is your opportunity to thrive. This is your opportunity to find a coach who appreciates you.

You don’t need to be the bottom kid anymore. You can be one of the better kids. You can be a star!

Embrace this new opportunity. You can wipe the slate clean and start over. No assumptions about your ability or your role.

Don’t Talk the Coach Out of It

I’ve seen this scenario happen, and it’s a big mistake.

The coach begins expressing his concern about how a player fits on his team. The parents, defending the child, go into salesman mode.

They start pumping up their kid. Your eyes deceive you. You are wrong about his ability. Gamechanger stats are misleading. He’s a great player and a good fit for this team.

Don’t do it. If you talk the coach into taking your child, you will regret it.

The coach was trying to do you a favor. It doesn’t feel that way. It feels like an attack. But if he has doubts about how your child fits, it’s time to move on.

Otherwise, do not be surprised when he’s the bottom kid. Do not be surprised when his confidence is wrecked and you’re upset about playing time.

Find the Right Team

As you go searching for a new team, be careful. Learn from this lesson. Don’t make the same mistake twice.

Why were you cut? If it was due to ability, you may want to adjust the level of team you’re looking to join.

If you join a team that is at the same level, you may be the bottom kid again. You may be at risk of getting cut again. That uncertainty is no fun.

It may take a shot to the ego, but you want stability. You want reps. You want to get better.

Before joining that new team, think about all of the reasons the last team was a bad fit. Coaching philosophy. Playing time philosophy. Number of players on the roster. Level of play. Competition at your son’s primary position.

Don’t jump into a nearly identical situation and expect a different result.

Use it as Motivation

You’re going to feel bad for a while. But then move on.

Don’t wallow in self-pity. You can use this experience to make you better.

Rejection has a purpose in life for those who want to use it. It can wake you up if you’ve been complacent. It can inspire you to work harder.

It’s time to prove that coach wrong. It’s time to make him regret cutting you.

Don’t make it a negative thing. The coach did what he thought was right. And maybe, at the time, it was right. Now your job is to make that coach wonder if he made the wrong decision.

Work your butt off. Get better. When you face that team, you’ll be ready. You’ll play your best ball.

And it will feel awesome.

For the Parent

If you’re the parent of a player who was cut, use this as a teaching moment. Use it productively. Help him understand that it’s not personal. Help him understand that it’s normal and some of the world’s greatest athletes get cut (Michael Jordan did!).

Don’t use this as a negative. Avoid getting personal with the coach and team. Don’t make it a character flaw of the coach. Leave on good terms.

It’s hard as a parent. We see it as an attack on our child that he didn’t deserve. We may even see the rejection as a reflection on us. Don’t buy into that garbage.

This is a new opportunity. This is an opportunity to learn and grow. Embrace it.

Your Turn

What’s your experience with cuts, whether it be as a coach, parent, or player?

Let me know in the comments below!

Recently, we talked about why travel baseball kids burn out, and we discussed ways that it can be avoided. Coaches burn out, too.

I’ve never approached burnout, but I understand why it happens. It’s a perfect storm of mental and physical stress. The “job” of coach (often unpaid or low paid) can be overwhelming.

I’ve seen it happen. I’m sure you have, too.

So, why does coach burnout happen? What can coaches, and even parents, do to help prevent it?

Why Do Coaches Burn Out?

It’s no surprise that coaches burn out. Here are just a few of the contributing factors…

1. Father/Coach and Son Relationship. This is a tough one for dad coaches. I’m now coaching the youngest of my three boys, and I’m lucky that it hasn’t become a major issue.

Can you treat your son as just another player? Can your son treat you as the coach, not Dad?

For the first time, my son last year told me there were times when he thought I was talking to him as “Dad” instead of “Coach.” That one cut deep, and it forced me to reassess how I was talking to him.

It’s an emotional dynamic.

This relationship can force the child to burn out. If the child no longer wants to play, the coach is likely to follow suit. Or if the coach determines that his son is more likely to enjoy the game with another coach, he may just hang up his coaching shoes.

2. Recruiting Season. For me, it’s the worst time of the year. Decisions need to be made about who is leaving and who is coming back. Difficult conversations. You have become emotionally invested in these kids and families, and now that’s coming to an end.

Then you need to gear up to find new players. To get better. Making sure that these new players and families are a good fit. Why are they leaving their team? Are there any red flags?

You make an offer. You assume they’ll accept. Then they don’t. The cycle repeats itself.

Will you be able to fill a roster? Are families getting uneasy because it’s taking so long?

To make it worse, this all begins at the tail end of the season, when the coach is spent. It’s not an easy time.

3. Wins and Losses. There isn’t a direct correlation between wins and losses and coach burnout. It goes both ways.

When a team loses a lot of games, there is the potential of adding more stress and second-guessing to a coach. Even if the parents don’t put that pressure on the coach.

But winning doesn’t solve these problems. If a team wins a lot of games, each loss may then be put under the microscope. The pressure to win — self-imposed or otherwise — can be a lot to handle.

4. Emotional Exhaustion. The competition. The expectations. The emotional investment in each player and family. The ups and downs of a season.

It’s a lot.

5. Physical Exhaustion. We talked about how physical exhaustion can lead to burnout for kids, but it’s certainly the same for coaches. We’re old. We’re not made for this!

Jokes aside, a season is physically taxing for a coach, too. The summer gets hot. Early mornings. Lack of sleep. Three and four games in a day.

You’re not playing, but you exert a lot of physical energy. No matter what condition you’re in physically, it will wear a coach out.

6. Trying to Do Too Much. You’re the coach. You’re the recruiter. You’re the party planner. You’re the lead fundraiser. You’re the scheduler.

You do it all. You probably shouldn’t.

7. Balance with Work. You set lineups at work. You communicate with coaches and parents at work. You miss calls, texts, and emails while at games and practices.

Your performance at your job could suffer.

On the flip side, work can become too much. You have to stay late at the office. You no longer have time to do the things you need to do as an effective coach.

8. Competitive Drama. You create rivals over the years after playing each other repeatedly. Coaches and parents get too invested in the “us” vs. “them” mentality.

9. Parent Relations. Playing time concerns. Coaching philosophy disagreements. Violations of team rules. Texts and emails and phone calls. Some coaches, particularly at older ages, prohibit these types of conversations for a reason. It’s a lot.

10. Health. All of these things take us here. The coach isn’t taking care of himself. Physical and emotional stress can not only lead to coaching burnout but something far more serious.

How Can Coaches Help Prevent Burnout?

When it comes to burnout, the coach is often his own worst enemy. There are things that he can do to make it easier on himself.

1. Nurture Father/Coach/Son Relationship. Set clear boundaries and expectations with your son that when you’re on the field, you’re Coach. Also do everything in your power to treat him like any other player (no, being harder on him than other kids isn’t a good solution).

My goal has always been that an external observer should never know who my son is or whether I have a son on the team. Not due to where he plays, how I treat him (good or bad), or how he responds to me.

If your son has a difficult time dealing with this dynamic, have an assistant coach take over most of the interactions with him.

2. Define Your Role. This is something that I have gotten firmer about over the years. There was a time when I tried to do everything. No more.

I’m not a party planner. If you want a party or social event, a parent needs to plan it.

I’m not a fundraiser. If you want to run fundraisers, set up a committee and get it done. I don’t want to be part of it.

I’m the coach. Even when it comes to practices and game days, I try to distribute responsibilities among coaches. I don’t need to do it all.

3. Set Boundaries. Okay, I’m terrible at this. But try to establish times when you’re coach and times when you’re not.

Don’t allow your coaching responsibilities to interfere with your job or relationships.

4. Set Clear Expectations of Parents. This is something I continue to refine. We have a parent contract. We have had team meetings where we discuss in clear detail what is expected. Problems are most likely to occur when a coach hasn’t made rules and expectations clear.

5. Have Friends and Hobbies Outside of Baseball. I admit that I’m terrible at this. The people I spend the most time with are my family and my team (coaches, players, and parents). It’s important to disconnect from that every once in a while. I’ve failed here.

6. Take a Break. Heading into this fall, several parents and an assistant coach approached me about fall ball. At the time, I was emotionally spent from the season. Instead of agreeing to coach it, I asked the assistant coach to lead the way. He gladly took on that responsibility.

Granted, I’m still coaching this fall. But removing the thought of having to deal with fall from my brain while finishing the summer was a huge relief. Kids need breaks, and coaches do, too.

7. Take Care of Yourself. Sleep. Eat well. Exercise. Meditate, if that’s your thing. Unwind.

Over the past few years, I’ve become a runner. I truly hate running, but it’s good for me. It’s good for my health. And while I’m running, I’m not able to do anything other than run and think. It’s a good opportunity to clear my mind while taking care of my heart.

How Can Parents Help?

I don’t expect parents to actively take care of their coach. That’s not their role. But there are a few things that can make your coach’s life a whole lot easier.

1. Volunteer. Whether it’s fundraising or parties or assistant coaching or scorekeeping, find ways to help out. We have a team mom who has been an ENORMOUS help to me.

2. Understand and Support Expectations. Try to understand team rules and what is expected of you. Support those expectations. They are there for a reason.

3. Appreciate Your Impact. This stuff is emotional for parents, I get it. But understand the impact that you’re capable of making, both positively and negatively. Not even directly on the coach, but on parent dynamics. Are you helping nurture a positive environment? Are you complaining to other parents? Is it necessary, deserved, and helpful?

4. Show Appreciation. Your coach doesn’t need a gift or a plaque or a party. Just say “thank you.” The ups and downs and challenges of coaching are all worthwhile when the coach knows that he and the parents are in this together.

Your Turn

That’s all I’ve got. What other factors contribute to coaching burnout? Any other ways you can think of to help avoid it?

Let me know in the comments below!

Little Jimmy toes the rubber. Delivers…

Ball one.

“Bend over!” his dad yells.

Jimmy gets the ball back from the catcher. Takes a deep breath. Steps back on the mound. Fires…

Ball two.

“You’re dropping your elbow!” shouts his mom.

Jimmy gets his sign. Sends in his next pitch. Runner going…

Ball three.

The throw comes quickly back to Jimmy. He turns around. Then realizes he missed his responsibility. The runner at third was caught, but Jimmy forgot to make the throw.

“Don’t walk him!” his dad yells.

Jimmy takes his time. Throw a strike. Throw a strike. He delivers…

Ball four, in the dirt.

Jimmy glances at his parents, then drops his head in disgust. His parents moan in the background. Meanwhile, the runner at third scores as Jimmy fails to cover the plate.

Coaching From the Stands

I coach, but I’m also a dad. I get it. It’s hard.

But I need to help you understand. When you coach from the stands, you are doing more harm than good. And, when out of control, you are sending a message to the coach that you may not intend.

What is Coaching From the Stands?

Coaching from the stands is giving your child direct baseball instruction when you don’t hold a coaching responsibility.

This doesn’t include simply cheering for your child and his team. You should do this! Positive messages should be encouraged.

Coaching from the stands involves specific instructions. Most often, it’s related to what they should do at the plate, on the mound, or in the field. It could be mechanical (“follow through,” “bend over,” “shorten up”) or based on a responsibility (“cover second,” “back up the bag,” or “block the ball”).

It’s Not Easy!

I know this is hard. I coached my middle son for six years, and he just finished playing his first season of high school ball — away from me. It’s been an emotional challenge for me to sit in the stands and keep my mouth shut.

I pace. I fidget. I try to keep myself busy. But I do all I can to avoid coaching from the stands.

It’s a truly emotional and helpless situation. You desperately want your child to succeed. You feel their pain, maybe more than they do. It’s part of being a parent!

You fear that they forgot that one thing. You think that if you remind them, the chances for success will increase.

It may not even be rational, but parenting isn’t always rational. And I understand.

The Problem with Coaching From the Stands

Instructions from the stands can be problematic. Let’s talk about it.

What if your instructions are wrong? The classic parental instruction that means well but is misinformed is “Keep your elbow up!” Stop saying that. It doesn’t mean anything.

But maybe what you are saying is correct generally, but it contradicts what your coach has instructed. On a 3-0 count, I often want my hitters aggressive on their pitch, particularly with runners on base. If you’re telling your kid to take (or lamenting a swing in that situation), you’re contradicting my message.

Or maybe what you are saying is completely right and in line with what your coach has instructed. Even this can create significant issues.

Your coach yells out an instruction, though he keeps it simple. Mom or dad yells out a different instruction. The child is now thinking about two different things when the coach wanted him to only think about one.

This creates an environment ripe for confusion. While trying to follow through on the instructions that were given, he forgets something basic. The count. The number of outs. Something else.

Worse yet is criticism, or negative instruction that lacks value. “Don’t walk him!” “Throw strikes!” “Don’t strike out!” “Swing at good pitches!”

Stating the obvious isn’t encouragement. Do you think he’s trying to throw balls? Do you think he’s trying to strike out?

Young Players, Their Parents, and Emotion

Your son wants to please you. He doesn’t want to disappoint you. This is more true for his relationship with his parents than with his coach.

Now the player is wanting to please his parent. The pressure is mounting. The chances for success are dropping.

So, if he knows that his parents are upset or disappointed with how he is playing, it adds more unnecessary emotion to an already emotional situation. Overwhelm, tears, and distraction become a real possibility.

No matter the value of the instruction or intention, this added direction creates chaos, noise, and confusion. It does not create an environment for success.

The Message You May Be Sending

Ideally, your instruction is background noise. That’s not meant to be mean, but a player can’t be focused on what a parent is saying.

In between pitches, does your child look back at you for instruction or approval? From the mound, in the field, or at the plate? If so, that’s a sign of a problem that has gone way too far.

While it’s likely unintentional, you may be sending a message that you don’t trust the coaches. You don’t believe your child is properly prepared for this situation or getting the correct instruction.

Because if you trust the coach and how he’s prepared your child, why is the added instruction necessary? Why risk drowning out or contradicting his message?

This is almost never intentional. The parent typically means well. But it may send a message that you didn’t intend.

When to Coach Your Child

Many parents are knowledgable about the sport and work with their kids on their skills outside of games and practices. And often times, the instruction they are giving is reinforcement of what they’ve discussed before.

This is all great! But now is not the time. Look at it in a similar light to how I do as a coach on game day. Did you prepare him? Did he retain what you taught him? Now’s the time to find out.

After the game (ideally, not on the ride home), you can discuss and coach specific situations. What happened? What did you learn from it? What would you do differently next time?

Let him make mistakes in the game. Coach and teach later.

Relax and Trust the Coaches!

This may sound easier said than done, but let go! Sit back, and enjoy the game.

You are not responsible for your child’s performance. Your instruction during the game isn’t going to be the difference between his success or failure. It can wait.

The game may actually be easier to enjoy if you remove this responsibility from your mind. He won’t be perfect. He will make mistakes. He’ll have moments to celebrate. And it’s all part of the process.

Expecting all instruction from the stands to stop is unreasonable. My request for parents is to understand the potential negative that can come from it. Limit it. Keep it simple, and focus on encouragement.

Your Turn

What are your experiences, good and bad, with coaching from the stands?

Let me know in the comments below!